Teens and Technology

Many times parents ask me what I see as some of the changes coming over the horizon. Probably the clearest trend is in mobility.  It won't be long before the idea of going to a desk to work on a computer will seem completely confining and out of date. I don't think that day is far away.  (I type this as I am sprawled out on my couch, with my laptop perched on my lap. )

For the last few years, kids who use technology to talk with their friends have often used a computer-based Instant Messenger program. That means they need to sit in front of the family computer and pull up to the keyboard to hang out with their friends.  That also means that we, as parents, had a certain degree of control over how and when the computer was used. That, however, is quickly changing.  According to most of the young people I've talked with over the past few months, IM is for the little middle schoolers who don't have phones yet.  IM is being quickly replaced with text messaging.  As texting plans get cheaper and phones get easier to use, more and more young people use their thumbs to do the talking.

The implications of this move from the family computer to the anywhere, anytime cell phone is unclear.  The research that has been done suggests that IM messages tend to be longer.  Because it is still tricky to type a big long paragraph into a cell phone, IM may be preferred for the deep, intimate conversations.  However, as technology makes typing easier, it won't be long before the extended conversations will be much easier and more convenient using the cell phone.  According to my students, cell phones also make things seem more personal, more intimate.  Instead of sitting at the desk typing, young people can text in their beds or in their private places.  Because the phone is almost an appendage, texting becomes even more personal.

This instant mobility also makes parental supervision a bit more tricky.  One mom says she requires her kids park their cell phones on the kitchen counter before they go to bed at night.  That eliminates the late night text parties.  Another mom says she goes through her daughter's bill, with her daughter at her side, and looks for the times of texts.  She said while this seemed to help her daughter place limits on texts, it also cost extra for all the piles of paper that came as part of her fully detailed billed.

So, if you are a parent who is so proud that you have finally mastered the IM program on your computer, I hate to say it, but you better figure out how to use the text function on the phone instead.  As technology speeds along and as students become more proficient in texting (over half of the last group of high school students I talked with said they could text an entire message behind their back without looking) life will become more mobile, harder to supervise, and even harder to disconnect.  But don't worry, by the time you get really fast at texting, our kids will have found a whole new way to hang out with their friends.

My kids are always bugging me.  They can never reach me on my cell phone because it is either uncharged, misplaced, muted, or otherwise misappropriated.  Don't get me wrong--I like having the phone for "just in case".  You know, just in case I get a flat tire, just in case I get lost, or just in case I forget to cook dinner.  One thing I have realized in the past few months, however, is that my approach to the cell phone is stone ageish.  The technology might be the same, but the uses have changed--changed as quickly as a 17-year old can text a dear john letter --and believe me--that's fast!

The change highlights an interesting characteristic of technology.  As users get used to the technology and integrate it into their lives, they begin to use it to meet different needs.  As that happens, the technology moves from becoming a cool little thing to becoming something that is essential to modern life.  I learned this one the hard way. I made the mistake the other day in class of asking students to give up their cells for one week.  I was 2 steps from running out of the room being chased by an uncontrollable mob.  NO WAY could they give up their phones!

The reason I share this observation is to encourage parents (like me) to re-think the new "place" of the cell phone--both the good and the bad--as we try to help our kids use the technology wisely.  The first thing to remember is that it's not just for emergencies or calling home when a pick up from school is needed.  It is a social appendage. It keeps the connections jumping and the identity sharp.  The second thing to keep in mind is that kids use the phone to fill in the silence.  When is the last time you saw an older teen just hanging around, walking, or sitting, without a phone to their ear?  They feel uncomfortable with down time--with alone time. Thinking and contemplation may be becoming de-valued. Silence becomes an awkward obstacle instead of an opportunity to take in the people and surroundings of a specific time and place.

I'm not sure what the implications are for parents.  Does this mean we should give our kids the phones they so desperately say they need? Who knows.  What I do think, however, is that we should engage our kids in conversations about how and why they use their phones--what are they giving up when they flip open that phone?  what are they really missing by being disconnected from their friends for a while? what could they gain by spending time alone, just watching things in their environment?  What real-life things have passed them by as they connect to someone in a different place? Why is silence so scary?

Maybe those are questions that are too big for teenagers to contemplate--especially when the cell phone is so much brighter.  But maybe we need to ask ourselves the same questions.   Mobile technology is truly changing how we do things.  The further we go with these devices, the more of a necessity they will become.  At some point, however, it is important to step out of the stream and think about what we gain and what we lose every time we dial up.

 

Last night after I finished speaking with a group of parents, a mom came up and began talking with me about issues related to Myspace.  She had a great idea I wanted to share with you.  One of my greatest concerns with the way kids use technology like IM & Myspace is that they self-disclose way too much.  Because the computer gives them a feeling of intimacy and control, it is very easy for them to share very deep parts of themselves--often with people who just don't care or who may turn around and misuse that trust.  It is becoming difficult for kids to work through the "stuff" that comes along with growing up.  Too often that process is done in a very public forum.  I'm not sure kids really think through who might actually see it or read it.  Often, when kids share their heart with someone else online, it seems to be more about just getting it out than to actually communicate something with another person.  Unfortunately, there are lots of ways they can get hurt when they so easily share themselves online.

That's where this great idea comes in.  If you find you have a very thoughtful young person who is most likely sharing deep parts of themself online, challenge him or her to write those thoughts down in a diary instead.  You know the kind of diary I'm talking about--the real-life kind that you can touch and feel and maintain control over. With this kind of diary they can still work through things, but maintain more control and healthier boundaries.  Then, if they really want some feedback from their friend, ask them to wait a day or two, then share some of the main thoughts.  By then they may have worked through some of the very personal parts and can be a little more objective about what is good to share.

Growing up in this wireless world is tricky--especially when it comes to processing confusing thoughts and emotions.  Maybe one way we can keep our kids healthy and wise is to remind them of some of the old-fashioned, real-life things that seemed to work pretty well for us. 

Looking for a little entertainment?

You might want to spend a little time on Godtube (Godtube.com).  It is similar to Youtube, but a lot more wholesome. You can find everything from a daily devotional, a motivational speaker, a Christian music video, an evangelistic tool, or a just plain fun or moving video.  I first visited because my son had mentioned it to me, but I find myself going back to see what is new.  If you find something particularly fun, why not send the link to your child?

Godtube is a clean version of Youtube.  If you haven't visited Youtube, you may want to try it out (chances are your kids access it a lot).  I know my students often spend downtime hanging out, seeing what is new, catching up on their favorite t.v. show, watching music videos, and searching for something funny to laugh about.  There are lots of really interesting and funny things to be entertained with on Youtube, but you need to be aware, there is also lots of pornography that is easily accessable.  It might be worth a conversation with your child--what makes a good youtube video?  How do they avoid the many bad videos? what's the best video they've seen?  These kinds of discussions are just what kids need to begin thinking about how they are using multimedia and how they can become thoughtful and wise consumers.

 Whatever the case, don't miss out on these videosharing sites.  Your kids use them and you may also find a new way to be entertained. I have to be honest, one of the most fun I've had with my college-aged son is when we sit down and share our favorite Youtube and Godtube videos with each other.  They spark good conversations and provide a space where we can relax and have a few good yuks.  Before we know it, our traditional idea of sitting down on a Saturday night to watch a video may look a whole lot different.

I don't know what it's like in your house, but here it is clear. The holidays are over and school is back and my daughter has once again situated herself in front of the computer.  Most of the time she is doing homework--I think.  She does her homework at the same time she chats back and forth with her friends on IM. She swears she can do both and do them well.  I'm not so sure.

In a small study we did with middle school students, we found that students tended to take longer to complete Math and English problems when they were IM'ing.  The accuracy was about the same.  The really interesting thing is that there were some kids, just a few, that actually did more while IM'ing and with greater accuracy.  When we asked them why that was, they said they just had more fun when they could chat every now and then.  I had to agree.  The IMing group was much more animated and energized than the group who was given a bunch of English and Math problems to complete. So IM'ing can make the homework more fun.  The real question, however, is the increasing value our kids are putting on multi-tasking misplaced? Is IM/homework multi-tasking a good thing?

An article on CBS news looked more in depth at the question of multi-tasking.   According to David Meyer, a psychologist who directs the Brain, Cognition, and Action Laboratory at the University of Michigan, kids are actually losing valuable time and energy every time they start multitasking. It is the transitions that require extra cognitive energy and space. Each time kids switch to another task, they need to re-orient themselves. That takes time.  And when they are jumping between math and six different IM conversations, not to mention the music blaring and the little brother running around, the transitions can take lots of time. That extra cognitive load also results in an inability to go in-depth in any one task. That doesn't sound good. The ultimate question then is: should IM and homework go together?

Here is what I've come up with. For some kinds of homework, it seems like IM is not only o.k. but it might actually be a good thing.  IMing can add energy and interest to otherwise unengaging material.  It might take all evening instead of twenty minutes to finish up daily math problems, but kids are probably doing just fine on the problems and are also having fun with their friends.  I also know that when everyone is doing the same homework at the same time (much like the studying together we did in college) they actually talk about the problems every now and then and help each other out. So that's a good thing. There is some homework, however, that is not a good fit with IM.  For instance, my daughter's latest project is a 13 page research paper.  That takes concentration.  She is also looking at an impending deadline.  That takes focus.  They key is to train my daughter to figure out when IM'ing is a good thing and when she needs to sign off.

The bottom line is that IM and homework can go together, but we need to help our kids become wise as to how the two can work with each other and when they work against each other.  It is just one more skill our kids will need as they venture forth into this new technological era.  And besides, once my daughter figures it out, maybe she can help me figure out how to talk on my cell phone without tripping down the stairs.